Of All The Things
by pjstillnoon
Summary: AU. Cal thought she had asked for his spoon. Of all the things to ask of him... Talk about a bombshell.
1. Chapter 1

Cal stretched his back, leaning back in his chair so it tilted towards the window. He noticed for the first time the sun had gone completely and that he was desperate for the bathroom. He got to his feet quickly, feeling achy in the wrong places: his back from sitting for too long, his elbows and wrists from hovering over a keyboard for too long. He really needed to develop better computer habits, he mused while using the urinal. Like Foster. She always got up every twenty minutes; she could be quite obsessive about it. She even took regular breaks when they were holed up in the suite going through footage. Now that he thought about it, Cal wondered if she had left for the evening. She often came to say goodnight but he couldn't remember if she had. He had been a bit absorbed in his work; there was a good chance he had forgotten.

Cal dried his hands and moved back through the quite building. Clearly, everyone else had gone home. He even ducked his head into Loker's office to double check. The lights were on in Foster's office, but her computer was shut down and the room was empty. Maybe she had gone after all. He went back to his office. There was just one more thought he wanted to finish before he called it a night. As he crossed the threshold into his office he found Foster sitting on his couch, head turned towards the large windows behind his desk. She was staring absently at the dark night. Her purse was on the couch next to her, coat draped over the top of it.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She looked up and smiled warmly. "Hey. Wondered if you were still here. I was just going."

"And got lost?" Cal sauntered into the room and stood opposite where she sat, keeping the table between them. He tilted his head to see her face. She had a little furrow of thought still between her eyebrows.

Gillian gave a wan smile. "It appears that way." She got up. "You got plans for tonight?"

Cal was a little bemused. "Not particularly."

She gave an amused smiled. "What does that mean?"  
"I was gonna work."

"Have dinner with me."

"All right."

Probably agreed to that a little too eagerly.

"What's the occasion?" He asked crossing to his desk. He started saving his work.

"A friend can't take a friend out for dinner?"

"Are you buyin'?" Cal raised his eyebrows at her.

Gillian had approached his desk, hugging her coat in front of her body. She gave a little gleeful smile. "I might."

Cal set the computer to shut down and picked his phone up from the desk top. He slipped his coat over his shoulders as they headed down the hallway. Gillian drove, she picked the restaurant and the bottle of wine and after they had ordered their mains they made small talk. Cal, quite happy to make small talk with her on the best of occasions, got the impression there was something else going on with her. She wasn't quite as relaxed as she normally was.

The food was good, the company better and the evening a nice one. Gillian had dessert. Cal had coffee only. "I have to admit," Gillian started conversation again, making a pattern out of chocolate sauce on her plate with her fork. "I did have an ulterior motive in asking you to dinner."

"Oh yeah?" Cal asked feigning surprise.

She looked up at him and smiled slightly. A light pink colour rose in her cheeks. Cal was surprised by her embarrassment. "What did I do?" Cal asked neutrally.

"Nothing," she responded lightly.

"Did you bring me here to tell me we're about to go unda?"

"No. We're doing ok."

"So this is a personal thing?" Again, surprised, because she never talked to him about personal things. She was his best friend but he wasn't always so sure it went the other way.

"It is," she admitted easily enough. But she opened her mouth to say something else and hesitated for a second. "Not sure how to bring this up."

"Just throw it out there," Cal suggested. "I do it all the time." He brought his coffee to his lips. Gillian smiled, laughed lightly and seemed to relax. "Wait," he stopped her again. "You're not gonna tell me you're dyin' or somethin'?" He actually felt a tightening in his chest at the thought.

"No I'm not dying," Gillian assured him. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Not for a kidney or somethin' alone those lines? A node of my liva?"

Gillian laughed. "No, not for a kidney, or for your liver. God only knows what state its in." She laughed again and Cal gave her a mischievous grin.

"But somethin' personal," Cal pointed out, bringing her back to the subject. Bloody hell the suspense was killing him.

"If you let me ask it, then you'll know," Gillian admonished him lightly.

"All right sorry," Cal sipped more coffee. It was good and he was impressed. He was always impressed with Gillian's choices in restaurants.

"But it is asking you for something." She took a deep breath, geared herself up to say it and asked: "I was wondering if I could have your sperm."


	2. Chapter 2

Cal blinked. He couldn't have heard that right. Maybe she had asked for his spoon. "I'm sorry?" He leaned towards her slightly, convinced he had misheard.

"I've been looking into IVF and I obviously need a donor."

"And you thought of me?"

"I did."

There was a long moment of silence. Of all the things to ask him...

"If you had asked for the kidney I would have said yes."

"So you're saying no?"

"No, I'm sayin', this is definitely somethin' I have to think about."

"Sure," Gillian agreed.

"Wh-what? I mean, when did you, how long have you been lookin' at this IVF thing?" Cal stumbled over his words.

"Um, a while. Not long really, a few months. I haven't started anything, it's just something I obviously have to think about and..."

"So you thought to ask me?" Cal repeated. Gillian nodded. Cal suddenly got an inkling as to what it was like to be studied closely. His mask was down, stunned into submission, and Gillian was watching him carefully from across the table with cool blue eyes, the fork still in her hand. "Well I'm flattered."

"But you don't want to?"

"No I'll think about it," he reiterated. "How much time do I have to think about it?"

"As much time as you want. Like I said, I haven't started anything."

"All right," Cal said to fill the silence. "I think you should take me home."

"Ok," Gillian agreed softly. She got the cheque and drove home in silence. Cal hadn't even started to process the request. He was still on the stunned page. Gillian had to verbally nudge him when they pulled up at his house. Cal leaned over and kissed her cheek. She gave him a mildly surprised but mostly amused expression when he pulled away again. That had been an automatic response.

"Thanks for dinna," Cal finally found his voice.

"You're welcome," Gillian gave him one of those expressions that said she was a little concerned. The one she gave him when he was feeling a bit manic and was bouncing off the walls and she was worried, but mostly indulging him. "Good night," she offered.

"Yeah night luv," Cal recovered and levered himself out of her car. He swaggered up to his front door and let himself in. The house was empty and dark and a little cold. He slipped off his coat and hooked it in the hall cupboard. He turned on lights as he moved through his home. In the kitchen, he had a glass of water to try and soothe his spinning head. Then he flopped himself down on the couch and shifted around until he was comfortable flat on his back. He looked up at the white ceiling. Talk about a bloody bombshell.


	3. Chapter 3

"All right luv?" Cal greeted as he strolled in to her office.

Gillian looked up and gave him a warm smile. "Hi. I got the impression you were avoiding me today."

"I was," Cal admitted taking a seat opposite her desk. He shifted his butt so he was slouched in the chair. "I need more information."

Gillian was lost for a second. She gave a slight shake of her head, she didn't know what he was talking about, and then she clicked. "What do you want to know?"

"We should talk. Properly," Cal added. "How about I cook?"

"Ok," Gillian agreed to dinner at his place.

Cal nodded and got up again.

"Cal," Gillian stopped him just before he reached her office door. He turned. "Are you going to avoid me for the rest of the day as well?"

"Probably," he said over his shoulder as he walked away again.

Gillian watched him go. She was worried. But then what did she expect? She had dropped a bombshell on him. A large one. No, bigger than that. A _massive_ one. If she thought she was at a point where she could predict how Cal was going to react she was wrong. If she thought she could read him, she was wrong. Because right now it was hard to tell if he was mad at her, upset, stunned still, or offended by the idea. She probably should have explained more last night but he had gone blank on her and she had thought it was a good idea to give him some time to process what she had requested.

When Gillian knocked on his door later that evening Cal was putting dinner in the oven. In the last twenty four hours he felt a bit like he had been walking around in a haze. He hadn't even begun to think about her request. Gillian let herself in and was slipping out of her coat as she came through to the kitchen. "Hi," she greeted with a smile. She had changed into jeans and a casual shirt.

"Heya," Cal responded. She seemed so serene at the moment. He figured she must have all ready spent considerable time thinking about her request.

"Smells good."

"Ready in twenty minutes," Cal supplied setting a chicken timer Emily had bought him once as a joke. It was to match his apron. She had also supplied floral print oven mitts and a tea cosy even though he didn't have a teapot.

"Seeing as you're providing dinner I brought wine," she told him with an easy smile setting the bottle on the bench. They opened it, went through to the lounge, took seats at either end of the couch. Gillian kicked off her shoes and tucked her feet underneath her so she was facing Cal, completely at ease in his presence and his house. "So what do you want to know?" She stared conversation.

Cal looked over at her. "I haven't made a decision or anything." She nodded. "I just wanted to get all the information before I even start to think about it." She nodded again. "You've been thinkin' about this for a while." It wasn't really a question.

"Yes," Gillian admitted.

"Got your heart set on it then?"

"I'm certainly going to try."

"Why not adoption? You tried that before." In the last twenty four hours Cal had come to realise he didn't know much about her and Alec's attempts at having a baby. Just that they couldn't conceive naturally, IVF hadn't worked for them and neither had adoption.

Gillian sipped her wine unperturbed. She had already prepared herself to answer any of his questions. "Alec and I couldn't have a baby because of problems with..." she almost hesitated. "Him. And I don't have that problem now." She gave a smile. "My only problem now is being single."

"Yeah," Cal looked over at the fireplace. "I have that problem too." He sipped his wine, looked back at her amused expression. "So you just need a fatha?"

"Uh huh."

"Why not just use a done-a?"

"Mm," Gillian gave a slight incline of her head. "I have thought about it but I think I would prefer it if it was someone I know."

"So you can hit them up for child support?"

"No," Gillian laughed lightly. She was glad to see Cal grin. At least he wasn't being too serious about all of this. That would make it easier if he turned her down. "So that when my kid asks me about his father I can tell him about him; not just read a dossier."

"Are you sure then that you want me to do it?" Cal turned his nose up.

Gillian smiled again.

"Why do you want me to do it? Of all the guys you know. You certainly have choices."

"You're my best friend; I _know_ you. I know you're a great father and a good man. Smart, a smart ass," she smiled at his grin. "Of all the guys I know, I wouldn't want anyone else to do it but you."

"So if I don't agree then...?"

"I'd use a donor."

"But you would prefer not to?"

"Yes." She gave a micro-pause. "There's another reason why I wanted to ask someone I knew. If I use a donor there are more hoops to jump through. Selection and all of this other red tape. But with a donor I know, I can start straight away."

"So you're basically saying that you want me to fatha your children?"

Gillian bit her lower lip. That wasn't quite how she would have put it. But it certainly sounded that way. "Well I wasn't going to ask Loker."

Cal grinned again and she smiled. "What about Reynolds? You'd have beautiful babies with him."

"He's not really the paternal type," Gillian complained.

"So you've really thought about this?"

Gillian nodded.

"So it's me or a strange-a?"

Gillian nodded again.

"But you would prefer it wasn't a strange-a?"

Gillian nodded again. "But Cal. Please know, there's no pressure to do this. None at all. It was just something I had thought about, but if you don't want to I would understand completely."

"I haven't decided," Cal responded. They heard a chicken clucking from the kitchen. "That's dinna," he announced springing up off the couch. He served and they sat at the dining room table.

"This is really good," Gillian complimented the food.

"How involved would you want me to be? Sayin' I go through with it."

"Um as much as you wanted I guess. I know it would certainly be a lot harder having you be the father because we see each other almost every day so it's kind of harder to walk away from. But if that's what you wanted I would ok with that."

"So you're not lookin' for a Daddy as such?"

"Not really. That's the point of sperm donation."

Cal gave a slight grin and filed away the information to study later. "So you really just want a second set of DNA?"

Gillian nodded.

"What if the kid asks about me?"

"That's up to you what I tell him. I would tell him about you but not who you are if you wanted. Or if you don't mind I would raise him to know who his father was."

"But you want to be able to tell him who his father is?"

"Yes."

"And money?"

"I wouldn't expect money from you Cal."

Cal could see that was a genuine response. Not that she was in this for monetary means. Not Gillian. Not her MO. "What if I wanted to help?"

"I don't want you to," she responded firmly.

Cal nodded, ate more of his dinner and mused. "So... what if I wanted to be involved?"

"How involved?" Gillian asked lightly. It was hard to tell if he was warming to the idea or merely hashing out every scenario.

"What if wanted to help raise it?"

"I don't want that." Firm again.

"All right."

"No offence."

"None taken," Cal held up a hand to stop her. "I'm just gettin' all the information."

Gillian nodded.

"Am I allowed contact?"

"As much or as little as you want."

"Are you goin' to tell people I'm the fatha?"

"I guess that's more up to you."

"Am I allowed to tell people I'm the fatha? I mean, what do I tell Em? She'd have a half brutha or sista."

"I know," Gillian said softly. "That would still be up to you."

"I don't wanna lie to her."

"I can appreciate that."

Cal pushed his plate away. He'd had enough. "So you're pretty much sayin', aside from two things you won't budge on, me not makin' a financial contribution and me not raisin' the kid, everythin' else is up to me?"

Gillian eyed him suspiciously. "I guess." What was she agreeing to? Whatever it was Cal didn't look gleeful, so he must not have been up to verbal mischief. "It's a big ask."

"Yeah it is," Cal agreed. "And you've thought all of this through?"

"Yes," Gillian nodded.

Cal considered this. There were so many more implications. What happened if she died? Where would the baby go then? "What if you get remarried?"

Gillian's eyebrows fluttered for a second. "What do you mean?"

"You get remarried. Then what? Your husband raises my kid?"

"If you got remarried would you let your wife raise Emily?" Gillian shot back.

"Well she's sixteen," Cal countered. "She's kinda raised." He paused. "But I guess you're right. I wouldn't let someone else raise her."

Gillian finished her meal and set her knife and fork carefully in the middle of the plate. She picked up her wine glass.

"What about if somethin' happens to you?"

"Well obviously, I would want my child to be with his father. But if you're not comfortable with that then I would make other arrangements."

"Right," Cal nodded. She really had thought this through.

"If I was remarried Cal, I wouldn't stop you from seeing your child. I would never do that." She said that genuinely.

Cal thought again. "How many kids are we talkin' here?"

"Just one."

"You're just gonna do this once?" Cal asked with mild disbelief.

Gillian nodded. "I just want one chance Cal. That's all I want."

"And if the IVF doesn't work? Will you try to adopt again?"

Gillian shook her head slightly. "No. I think I would put that stick down and resign myself to the fact that the horse was dead."

"Well I'll certainly think about it," Cal got up from the table. He went to the kitchen with their plates. Gillian followed and helped him stack the dishwasher. She left the wine for him to finish. At the door Cal helped her into her coat. She kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

"Haven't answered you yet."

"But, thank you, for considering it. It's a huge thing to ask of you."

Cal gave her a slight smile. "Goodnight luv."


	4. Chapter 4

Cal knocked on Gillian's office door and then pushed it open. It was late in the evening, people were going home, Gillian was still working, this was a good time to talk to her privately. She gave him a smile as he came in.  
"Got a minute?" Cal asked.

"Sure," she put her pen down, clasped her hands together, gave him her full attention.

Cal took a seat. "I have one more question."

"Ok," Gillian answered after a pause. Still needed a second to catch on to his train of thought.

"If I said 'no', it wouldn't come between us would it?"

"Absolutely not. I'd completely respect your decision."

"Then my ansa's 'yes'."

Gillian blinked. She wondered if she'd misheard. Cal just sat and gave her a neutral expression. Slowly a smile spread on her lips from her subconscious. It pooled in her eyes and she gave a light laugh as that happiness spread into her chest. "Really?"

"Yeah," Cal nodded.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah pretty sure," he started smiling.

Gillian got up and came around the desk. She kissed him on the lips. "Thank you so much." She wanted to say more. "That's all I've got, is thank you."

"That's all I need luv," Cal told her getting to his feet. He put his arms around her, held her tightly. He could feel she was breathing quickly. She gripped him very tightly. She kissed his cheek again as she pulled away.

"God I'm just so... thank you so much!"

Cal dismissed the comment.

"Really Cal, this means everything to me."

"I know."

"I definitely owe you one."

"What?" Cal gave her a disgusted expression. "No way. This is a fave-a between friends. You don't get to owe me one on this. We'll just call it your Christmas present."

"For like the next ten years."

Cal laughed lightly. "Yeah all right. And birthday's too."

"Deal," Gillian smiled broadly, her blue eyes were shining brightly. "So um, I'll make an appointment with the lawyer."

"What's that for?" Cal interrupted.

"To sign a contract."

Maybe she should have warned him. His face hardened for a second.

"Just so we're clear, about everything we've talked about."

"Right," Cal gave a slight nod, his face melting back into motion again.

"Is that ok?"

"Depends on the terms."

"Just that you waive your legal paternal rights to the child, and um, that you stipulate that you don't want compensation."

"I don't want compensation Gill," Cal cut in. "I'm just honoured to be part of it, to gift somethin' to you. That's all I want."

"And that I won't be claiming financial support."

Cal nodded. At least the contract was going to support his rights too. "So what exactly do I have to do? I mean, the medical part of it."

"Well we'll have to meet with the doctor's too but um, I would say your part would be pretty minimal."

"Jack off in to a plastic cup then is it?" Cal gave her an amused grin.

"Something like that yeah," Gillian looked away embarrassed.

"Sounds so much more straight forward than you wantin' a kidney out of me."

Gillian gave him a smile. Cal wiggled his eyebrows at her, affecting his best 'smug little boy' expression.

Gillian giggled. "You have no idea what this means to me."

"I do," Cal nodded gravely. "Trust me, I do."


	5. Chapter 5

Cal dutifully went with Gillian to the doctor's appointment. She wanted him to understand the full extent of what he was doing before he signed the contract they had both negotiated a few days ago. Cal got the impression she was waiting for him to change his mind. So he was pretty much happy to do anything at this stage to reassure her he was on board. The doctor explained the process. Cal had pretty much been right. He was going to have to jack off into a plastic cup. And because he wasn't the husband or the boyfriend he wasn't going to be part of all the hormone injections, the ovulation tests, the egg harvesting procedures, the implantation process. He wanted to. But Gillian seemed to be fiercely independent about it. Adamant to the point of stubbornness; all she wanted from Cal was his sperm. So he didn't say anything.

They were at the office now, a conference room, stuffy with lawyers and drawn blinds. The contracts were in folders on the desk top. One of the attorney's was reading through it, aloud, one last time. Cal sat at the head of the table. He didn't want this to be a 'two sides of the table' kind of thing. They were best friends and business partners for god's sake. "Can I have a minute?" He suddenly cut in.

Gillian looked over at him surprised. The suits looked at each other. Lawyers were always so suspicious.

"I want a word with Gillian," Cal supplied to the stunned silence. "Go on. Bugga off," he jerked a thumb at the door.

"Cal," Gillian tried.

He silenced her with a raised hand. The lawyers were muttering at each other. One of them asked if he had a problem with the content of the contract. "No I just want a word with Gillian," Cal repeated pointing at her, in case they weren't sure which one of them she was. "Go on. Before I bite." He grinned through his teeth. The suits got up and left.

"Have you changed your mind?" Gillian asked once they were alone.

"God no," Cal waved her comment away. He could hear the worry in her tone, see it on her eyes, in the crease of her forehead. He looked her dead in the eye. "I was just wanted to be sure that you're sure without all them lot dronin' on."

Gillian gave a slight smile.

"So are you sure?" Cal asked directly. Gillian nodded. "Verbal ansa's darlin'," Cal directed gently.

"Yes, I'm sure."

Cal studied her very carefully and even though she blushed slightly under the scrutiny and the fact that he was doing it so blatantly, she let him. She could forget the line on this occasion. After a long moment Cal shifted in his seat. "All right," he agreed. "Oi you lot!" He yelled at the door. "You can come back in now!"


	6. Chapter 6

One cycle down and one failure down and Gillian was feeling fragile. The extra hormones made her feel sniffly but it was the emotional pressure that kept causing her to break into tears. She tried not to get her hopes up while waiting to see if it had worked. And then tried to build them up again when it had not been a success. The chances of her conceiving the first time around were psychologically doubtful. She knew it wouldn't be easy. She steeled herself for the process taking time. But still. She had hoped. And still, she had been beyond disappointed when it hadn't worked.

Despite herself, she had turned to Cal. She had cried on his shoulder just a little. She knew he paced around in his office waiting to hear how the tests had gone, how the procedures had worked out. Ria told her. He didn't interfere though. He had agreed not to. He was staying out of it. The contract stipulated that he would donate his sperm, no money would change hands, and once/if the baby was born he would not be allowed regular access. She couldn't stop him from coming over to visit, and of course she had no control over the contact they would have as they worked together, but he wasn't allowed to take the baby away on the weekends or anything like that. He wasn't allowed to make claims; he couldn't assert the baby as his; he was a silent partner. He wasn't allowed to play Dad. Those had been Gillian's terms. Cal had agreed to them; hadn't challenged them in fact.

What Gillian hadn't counted on was him being invested anyway and yet respecting the distance. She hadn't quite thought that through. Cal was the king of detachment, but a part of her hadn't really expected him to be able to completely disconnect from this. She thought he would blatantly bend the rules of the contract, wheedle his way in. And she was fine with that up until the point of the baby's birth. But he didn't. He kept away. So she searched him out. She thought she could go through it alone. She was wrong. It was hard.

"I need my best friend," she told him, blurting it out as they worked late.

Cal gave her a little frown. "I'm right here. What do you need?"

"I need _you_."

Cal scooted his chair closer to hers. "I'm right here luv," he told her gently.

Gillian put her arms around his shoulders and clung on tightly. His arms came around her back. She wanted to ask him to come with her the next time they stuck needles in her, the next time they sucked her eggs from her ovum, the next time they put little versions of her and Cal into her womb. But she didn't. She just took the hug and let it make her feel better and unsuccessfully tried to hold in the tears.

Gillian tried to focus, but it seemed as if the room was actually moving slightly. A slow rocking motion back and forth, like the room was floating on the ocean. Whatever they had given her, made her feel really weird. She was in a darkened recovery room, curled up on herself, her cramping abdomen dulled by pain medication, feeling miserable and yet hopeful and trying to tell herself to be realistic. This was round two. Her self-induced last chance. And it might not work. So she shouldn't get too excited.

She heard the door, figured it was a nurse coming to check on her. No one knew where she was today. Not work, not her mother. Hardly anyone knew what she was attempting to do. Fewer knew that Cal was her donor. Cal appeared around the edge of her vision. He was hunched over, looking for her face. He had a small grey teddy bear in his hands and he gave her a small smile when their eyes connected. "Hey," he greeted in a soft voice. "There you are."

Gillian felt her face smile in return.

"How are you feelin'?"

"Medicated."

Cal gave a smile. He had such a beautiful smile sometimes. That one there was the best one. It was sweet, genuine. It made her feel good. "This is for you," he held the teddy bear out to her. Gillian took it. Whatever it was made from was incredibly soft. She thanked him and tucked it under her chin.

"I hope you don't mind that I came," Cal gave a little frown, he gestured vaguely with his right hand.

"I don't mind," Gillian told him instantly. She held out a hand and he took it between his larger fingers. He sat, finally.

"I didn't want you to be alone," Cal told her in an almost whisper.

"I'm glad you came," Gillian told him, her eyes finally able to focus on something solid.

Gillian felt the tears pool up in her eyes. She tried blinking them away but she was too slow. One dared to trail down her cheek. She wondered how she could wipe it away without Cal noticing. They were supposed to be working. She shouldn't be thinking about this right now; she needed to focus.

"What's wrong luv?" The gentle tone soared across the two feet between them where they sat on Cal's office couch.

Gillian turned to look at him briefly, gave him a quick smile, wiped the tear away absently. "Nothing."

"Liar," Cal noted softly. "It didn't work this time eitha. Did it?"

Gillian shook her head, not quite trusting her voice. She was still trying to shut down her grief. She had gotten her period an hour ago and she'd had no time to process what that meant or try and keep a handle on her emotions.

Cal reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry luv."

His hand was heavy. It should have felt comforting. It felt claustrophobic. Gillian shrugged out of it and chased away another tear.

"You could always try again," Cal suggested quietly.

"No. Twice was my limit."

"I'll do it with you."

"No Cal. The money's run out," she tried to make him understand.

"You can get a loan. Borrow against this place. I do."

"Yes I know you do. That's why I can't." That sounded a lot meaner than she had intended it to be. "What I mean is, the equity in this place is all used up."

"Yeah I know," Cal responded quickly. He looked away. Gillian hoped she hadn't hurt him. He was silent for a long time. Gillian wiped her eyes again. But until he faced her she couldn't turn back to her work. She waited. He seemed to be day dreaming. Then he turned back to face her. They held each other's gaze for a long time. Cal's blue eyes searched lazily through hers. He gave her a slight smile and Gillian found herself returning it and then they simultaneously turned back to their work.


	7. Chapter 7

Cal charged the front door. It was late. Whoever it was knocking on his door this late had a bloody nerve. It was Foster. He was obviously surprised.

"Hi," she said, seeming unsure. A cold gust blew her hair into her face.

"Come in," Cal ushered her inside. "Bloody hell it's freezin'. What are you doin' out and about this late?"

Gillian picked her hair out of her eyes with one hand. The other was holding her coat tightly against her body. "I wanted to see you," she explained lamely.

"Well come in," Cal said again, suggesting she come further into the house. They went through to the living room. The fireplace was glowing with dying embers and the room was warm. Gillian took her coat off even though she didn't feel warmed. A week had gone by now but she didn't feel any better. Probably worse. A blood test at the clinic had confirmed she wasn't pregnant. Cal offered her something to drink. Gillian declined. She did have a reason for coming over but it had nothing to do with beverages. Or talk for that matter. She crossed to where Cal stood. She kissed him. She came tonight for one thing. And she wanted it from him.

She could feel Cal's surprise for a second before he was kissing her back. He was being cautious though, so unlike Cal, so Gillian deepened the kiss, using her tongue to explore his mouth, daring him to do the same. She was desperate and this was probably very stupid, but she felt alone, hollow and she needed someone to fill that void for her. She wanted Cal to be that person. She unbuttoned his shirt, felt his firm body under her fingers. She reached for his belt buckle, her intentions very clear. She half expected him to stop her but he didn't. Maybe she wanted him to. Maybe she was testing him. She was usually the voice of reason. If she wasn't being reasonable, would he step into that role? She wanted him to stop her and yet she didn't want that either. She almost gulped, '_here we go'_.

She pulled her jersey over her head, then the top she was wearing underneath that. Cal's hands were on her bare waist now and he gave her a deeply appreciative expression before she kissed him again, teasing with her tongue, liking how he tasted, how he sparred with her. She nipped at his bottom lip and felt his hands tighten on her skin. She undressed his top half, then her bottom half and encouraged him to join her naked. In underwear he finally started pressing her towards his bedroom.

It was sex with Cal. It was _great_ sex with _Cal_. They had crossed that line then. Would she be able to put it back in place again? Gillian sat and moved off the mattress. She left the room and went back to the living room to find her clothes. She dressed quickly. Cal didn't follow her and she was grateful for that. She slipped out of the front door and back to her car and drove home numbly.

Cal heard her car start on the quiet street. He rolled on to his side, checked the clock. So they had crossed her bloody line then. Except he didn't know what the hell it meant. For the first time in a very, very long time, he was completely dumbfounded.

Cal started to suspect he was a booty call. She came over again the next night and he had wordlessly complied with every silent demand. It was very had to say no to Gillian Foster. She was a very good lover. The next night, he had been at her place. They had actually been working but as the evening wore down she had initiated more sex. Cal knew the drill; after it was over he got up and left wordlessly. He hadn't quite got his head around what was happening and he didn't quite know how he felt about it.

There had been a night's reprieve, probably because Emily had come to stay. Then the next night another knock at his door, and again the next night. That line of theirs was shattered all over the floor and they were walking carelessly all over the broken pieces. Cal knew in the back of his mind that he was being used. And normally he wouldn't give a care less, but this was Gillian. They shouldn't be doing this. So when Gillian leaned toward him and kissed him sweetly he pulled back slightly.

Her blue eyes looked up into his, questioning him.

"What are we doin' luv?" Cal asked almost at a whisper. It wasn't so much that he was complaining it was just... well... this wasn't the right thing to do.

Gillian held his gaze for a long time and then her eyes flickered away. "You're right," she said softly. She sat up again, shifted to the edge of the couch and got up.  
"I didn't mean for you to leave," Cal noted, also straightening up where he sat. He had seen that little micro-second of hurt. Rejection. The last thing she needed right now was more rejection. That wasn't what he was trying to do.

"I think I should."

"Hey," Cal stopped her before she would walk out the door. "We're still friends though right?"

Gillian gave him a ghost of a smile. "Yeah, still friends." Her smile was more certain as she turned to the door again.

Cal had worried Gillian would change on him. That them sleeping together would change their dynamic in an irreparable way. He was wrong and for once he was glad to be. He had to admire her for her strength. Sure, she had taken awhile to bounce back, but she did. She was still her usually sunny self. He had tried talking to her about adoption but she politely told him that she didn't want to think about it just yet; the only indication that she was still bothered about the failed IVF attempts. Cal attempted a glance at the finances to see if there really was no way she could borrow money against the company and try one more time. But he didn't know them as well as Gillian did. She had told him 'no'; he couldn't do much else but take her word for it.

Seemed unfair though.

"Hey."

Cal looked up. Gillian was striding across his office. "Mind if I invite myself over later tonight?"  
"Depends on what for," Cal retorted.

Gillian gave him one of her unique amused but trying to be unimpressed expressions; her blue eyes glinted. "Talking only."

"Sure. We can have a drink," he suggested.

"No, no drinking. I need to talk to you about something important."

Cal hoped she was going to try IVF again. "Sure. Come on ova wheneva you want."

"Ok," Gillian gave him one of her usual warm smiles. "Thanks."


	8. Chapter 8

"So what's up?" Cal led them to the living room.

Gillian took a seat on the edge of the couch. Cal stayed standing. She looked up at him, felt her heart beat a little funny. "I'm pregnant."

Cal gave her a 'huh?' expression, as if he hadn't heard her. "You're pregnant?" He repeated getting a little closer.

"Yes," she nodded. Yeah, it hadn't sunk in for her either.

Cal suddenly broke into a grin. "Congratulations! That's fantastic!"

"Yeah," Gillian agreed, feeling a little flutter of excitement in her stomach. She held his eye. _One more thing though_... "It's yours."

Cal gave her another 'huh?' expression, as if he hadn't heard her. "Mine?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you said the IVF didn't work?"

"It didn't."

"Then how did this happen?" Cal asked surprised.

"You and I had sex and now I'm pregnant," Gillian supplied.

"You and I had sex," Cal mimicked.

"Yes."

"You and I," Cal repeated.

"Yes," Gillian confirmed again, a little unsure. Had he forgotten about it? Because she sure hadn't. Aside from getting a baby out of it, it had definitely been memorable.

Cal suddenly broke into a laugh. "You and I had _sex_, and now you're pregnant," he said again, laughing again.

Gillian gave a cautious smile at his amusement, and then broke into a grin. Actually, that was quite funny. It sounded ridiculous and ironic and somehow miraculous. She gave a short laugh.

"Pretty sure it's mine?" Cal asked next.

"Should I be offended by that?"

"What?" Cal asked, all wide eyed innocence. "I don't know what you get up to in your spare time."

Gillian thought she definitely _should_ be offended by that. But she wasn't really. "I'm positive it's yours."

"So you don't have a secret boyfriend I don't know about?" Cal pressed lightly. He came to sit next to her on the couch. Gillian gave him a disparaging expression in response. "Well I guess it worked out then anyway didn't it?"

"What's that?"

"You still you got a baby out of me."

Gillian gave a sad smile. "Yeah." Although she didn't think it would happen this way.

"I guess we didn't give a whole lot of thought to birth control did we?" Cal mused lightly.

"Cal I never did this on purpose," Gillian turned to him suddenly horrified.

"Woah darlin' I would neva think you would," Cal quickly cut her off. "I was just thinkin' back, at the time, it didn't really cross my mind that you would... you know... get pregnant."

No, actually, Gillian hadn't thought about that either. She had been too preoccupied with getting something else from Cal she hadn't thought about the consequences. "So what do you want to do?"

"What do you mean?" Cal slouched back against the cushions. Gillian had to turn her head to see him. "I take it you want to keep it?"

"Yes. But that's not what I'm asking."

"You'll have to state the obvious for me luv, cos as far as I see it, you wanted a baby and now you're havin' one," he gave her a sweet smile and rubbed her shoulder.

Gillian couldn't help but smile at that. Yes, she wanted one and yes she was having one but... "The circumstances changed."

"Not how I see it."

"How I got pregnant changed."

"Oh, right, you mean that contract you made me sign?"

"You signed it voluntarily," Gillian huffed. She shifted and turned so she could face him without having to crane her neck. She found Cal giving her one of his mischievous grins.

"What do you want to do about the contract?" Cal asked.

"I don't know."

"The situation's still the same. Unless you want me to hona my duties as a fatha? Financial support and all that?"

"No Cal, I don't need money. You didn't sign up for being a father. So you're not under obligation."

Cal nodded. "Way I see it, you still got a baby on the way, I upheld my end, just the lines on how we got there are a little blurry. That means the contract is still intact."

Gillian nodded. "Ok."

"What are you gonna tell people?"

"Um," Gillian sighed. She hadn't quite thought about this part.

"We could just tell people you did another cycle of IVF."

Gillian met his eyes. "You think so?"

"Yeah. What would they know? The timin's right anyway."

Gillian looked away to think. She gave a slight nod. "What about Emily?"

"What about my bundle of joy?"

"You'd have to lie to her too."

"There are always casualties of war."

"_Cal_," Gillian reprimanded with her tone.

"Yeah yeah, I know. It's a tough one," Cal looked again at the fireplace. "But we can't tell her one thing and everyone else anotha and then ask her to lie."

Gillian noted how it had gone from 'her' or 'I' to 'we'. "I wouldn't ask her to lie for me."

"All right. So we white lie around it and hope she doesn't decide to ask too deeply."

Gillian sighed uncomfortably. She wasn't sure she wanted to agree with that idea but she gave a nod of acquiescence.

"So how are you feelin'? Mornin' sickness yet?"

A smiled played on Gillian's lips. "No. Not yet anyway." But trying to keep up with his train of thought certainly left her dizzy.


	9. Chapter 9

Cal threw a piece of popcorn gently through the air. He arched it perfectly because it dropped right in front of his daughter's wide brown eyes. She was glued to the movie. Cal was day dreaming about Gillian and then it had occurred to him. She was starting to tell people, which meant he could share the news now too.

"What Dad? I'm trying to watch this," Emily complained searching for the piece of popcorn that had landed somewhere in the vicinity of her lap.

"I have somethin' to tell ya."

"Well can it wait until after the movie? I'm missing it." She found the popcorn and threw it back.

Cal caught it in his hand. "Gillian's havin' a baby."

Emily's wide brown eyes turned to focus on him. "Is she?" She asked in disbelief. "That's so cool. When?"

"May."

"Who's the father?"

"Oh, well, actually," Cal reached for the remote and paused the movie. He had forgotten about this part of the conversation. And he hadn't expected her to bring it up so quickly. "It's me."

"Are you...?"

He held up a hand to forestall her outburst. "Let me explain." He better sell this convincingly, or what was it? White lie around it. "She asked me to be a sperm dona."

"She did the IVF thing?"

"Yes she did."

Still no direct lies there.

"So, wait, I'm going to have a brother or a sister? And you didn't think to tell me about this sooner. Or even ask how I felt about it?" She was incredulous.

"Hey, wait a minute. I did think about you, but it wasn't about you or I, it was about doin' somethin' for her. You know she wants to have kids, desperately, and I was in a position to help her with that. It was tryin' to do somethin' self-less."

Emily's expression fell into neutral. "I guess that is admirable." She paused. "But, so, what does it mean now? I mean, how does it work?"

"IVF?"

"No," Emily answered irritably. "Once the baby's born, do you get it on the weekends?"

"No, luv. I'm not havin' contact."

Emily gave him a confused frown. "At all?"

"Well, she's my best friend, so obviously I'm gonna see her and the baby occasionally, but I'm not gonna be involved in raisin' it."

"And you're really all right with that?"

"Yeah," Cal lied.

"Do people know you're the Dad?"

"Not really, no. No one knows."

"So I guess I'm not allowed to tell anyone either?"

"I'm not gonna ask you to lie sweetheart. Maybe betta to just not mention it at this stage."

"So you're going to tell people eventually?"

"Yeah. But first things first. Gillian's startin' to tell people she's pregnant. They knew she was doin' the IVF thing..."

"I didn't know," Emily muttered her displeasure.

"Yeah sorry about that luv."

"This is really unfair Dad. What if I want to spend time with my brother or sister?"

"That's not up to you."

"Well it should be. It's my blood too."

"Oi," Cal's tone hardened. "Don't be a brat." Emily pouted at him and crossed her arms. Cal sighed. "Look, sweetheart, I'm sorry you feel that way. I didn't make this decision to hurt you, I only did it to make her happy."

Emily looked over at him. Her expression softened. "I guess that is kind of nice."


	10. Chapter 10

_AN: This chapter is rated M for adult themes._

Cal watched as Gillian's body changed. She was one of those women with whom pregnancy agreed with. Her skin glowed, her light brown hair shone, her cheeks were always a little pink and her blue eyes were bright with a constant excitement. Her stomach had started to swell into a petite bump that pushed out further and further as the months went by. But unlike when Zoe had been pregnant with Emily, her weight didn't balloon alongside the size of the baby. Cal couldn't help but make the comparisons from his distance. Cal had never seen Gillian so genuinely happy.

The news about her pregnancy had spread fast. The news that he was the father spread even faster. But the story about IVF had stuck and seemed so much more respectable than the fact that he had slept with her, got her pregnant, and was now leaving her to it. The IVF story dampened the furore and gave him a bit of grudging respect. Even Emily had had time to adjust to the idea. Didn't stop Cal from feeling like he had slept with her, gotten her pregnant, and was now abandoning her.

"Hi."

Cal looked up from his computer screen. "Hi. How'd it go?"

"Good."

"Everythin' all right in there?" He indicated her abdomen with a jerk of his head. She had had a doctor's appointment that afternoon.

Gillian gave a slight smile. "Yes. Everything's perfect." She had an envelope in her hand. She gave it a little wave. "Uh. I wasn't sure if you wanted to see but... it's a picture from the sonogram."

Cal looked at it in her slender fingers. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see it. "I'm not supposed to be involved."

"I know," Gillian quickly agreed. "But I feel like an asshole cutting you out."

"You, sweetheart, are not an arsehole," Cal got up, grinning and came around the furniture. He guided her into one of the chairs opposite his desk and sat next to her. "That's that we agreed," Cal pointed out gently.

"I know," Gillian repeated. "But still. I feel bad. I feel like I've used you."

Cal kind of felt that way too so he didn't answer her. Irrationally though; he had agreed after all. He was having a harder time trying to keep his emotions out of it than he thought he would. It was hard to disconnect when she was sitting right in front of him, so obviously pregnant, and the baby was most definitely his.

Cal held out his hand and Gillian passed over the envelope. Cal opened it and slid out the picture. The image was of a very lucid baby, head, hands, feet all clearly visible. Cal didn't feel anything inside. He wondered if that was a good thing.

"Do you want to know the sex?"

"No," Cal answered firmly. He put the picture back, gave it back to her. "I'm glad it's all right in there."

Gillian nodded. "Come over tonight."

"What for?"

"I want to make you dinner. So I can do something nice for you," Gillian explained.

"All right," Cal agreed after a slight hesitation.

There had been a time when Cal didn't knock on Gillian's door. He would just let himself in and announce that he was there. But this time he knocked and he waited for her to answer it. "Hey," she greeted with a brilliant smile, genuinely happy to see him. She stood aside to let him in.

"Seein' as you're not drinkin' I brought dessert instead," Cal handed over a plastic bag with chocolate pudding inside.

"Aw you're so cute," Gillian told him closing the door behind him. "As if I don't have dessert." Cal peeled off his jacket, hung it up himself and followed her through the house. It was warm inside. Warm enough to for her to wear a blue wrap around dress and darker blue cardigan. On her feet were sheep wool lined dark blue slippers. Somehow, Cal thought her slippers would be pink.

They made small talk while finishing dinner. Cal washed his hands, rolled up his sleeves and jumped in to help. Gillian didn't even try to fend him off. Probably because she knew she would lose.  
"Is your Mum comin' when the baby's born?" Cal asked as they sat down to eat.

"Yeah, she's going to stay for a bit."

"That's good. You'll need a second set of hands for the first few weeks," Cal nodded his approval. If her mother wasn't going to do it, he was going to volunteer. Against his better judgement.

"That's what she told me," Gillian responded with a smile, glad he was talking to her about it.

"Decided where you're gonna give birth?"

"Hospital," Gillian responded. "With a midwife. She's lovely."

"Good," Cal turned to his dinner. "Is it all right that I ask you about this?"

"Of course. I'm glad you are. In fact, I wouldn't mind picking your brain on a few things."

"What about?"

"Giving birth, other baby stuff."

"Well I can't help you on the givin' birth part, seein' as I haven't actually done it... but baby stuff, sure. Ask away."

"Well you have at least experienced one more birth than I have," Gillian pointed out. "As far as I'm concerned you have a wealth of knowledge."

"That's true, but my view was a little different."

Gillian hid a smile. She had been going to birthing classes and it had been really hard to attend them alone. Her mother lived out of state. She was alone in the city. And she was having this baby alone. She thought about asking Cal to go with her; her partner in crime in so many ways, but knew that was one big line she couldn't ask him to cross. It was beyond unfair. And she knew they were both having a hard time compartmentalising the whole baby affair. But she didn't like the new distance between them, that's why she had asked him to dinner. She wanted to reconnect and she was glad he was playing along.

She asked him about Emily's birth and he told her the story quite willingly. It had all been straight forward and normal but because he and Zoe were new parents there were the usual nerves and anxious moments. He told her about taking Emily home and having her in the house of the first time; the sense of over protectiveness and worry and not being sure he had ever gotten it quite right. He still worried that he hadn't gotten it quite right.

They did the dishes together, moving comfortably around each other. When the kitchen was squared away they moved to sit on the couch in her living room. They kept talking and Gillian was glad their easiness was returning. They were talking about work when she suddenly trailed off mid sentence.

"What?" Cal asked gently.

"It's kicking," Gillian told him softly. Cal looked down at the hand on her abdomen. She thought about asking him to feel but knew he would refuse. They sat there awkwardly for a moment and Gillian was afraid the baby would always be between them. Too late to regret any of it.

"It's late," Cal pointed out. He sprung up from the couch. Gillian tried to follow quickly but it took her a lot more manoeuvring to get to her feet these days. Cal reached down and took her hand, pulling her gently but firmly upright and in to his chest. Gillian looked into his eyes and gave an amused smile and then kissed him. It was stupid and she knew she shouldn't be doing it. He had asked her to stop before. She could argue it was the hormones in her but the truth was, she just wanted to be close to him.

Gillian was preparing herself to pull away and apologise when Cal started kissing her back heatedly. Gillian started feeling her way down the length of the couch, around it, backing up towards the door. They reached her bedroom, peeling off layers of clothing; in one swift move she was in her underwear. She pulled him closer, feeling her bare skin against his bare chest and belt buckle. His body pressed into the bump of the baby, hard enough for her to hesitate at the uncomfortableness. Cal broke away and turned her around roughly, gave her a little push towards the bed and then pressed up against her back. Then he was in control.

His hands smoothed over her body, over her breasts, up her thighs and she could do nothing but hold on to the post at the end of her bed. He kissed the back of her neck, sucked on her earlobe, nibbled at her jaw. His body was hot against her back and she could feel her legs tremor slightly with the anticipation. He kept one hand on her at all times while he unhooked her bra, undid his trousers, slipped a hand under the elastic of her underwear, slid them down her hips. Gillian's hands gripped the bedpost until her knuckles were white. She wanted him so badly and he was being antagonisingly slow.

She could feel him close by but he whispered in her ear. "You do it."

Gillian reached one hand around, guided him inside her, pressed back with her hips, controlling how much of him she could take. She could hear the hiss of his breath and feel her own sharp intake of air. He felt so good. She went back to holding the bed post, letting her hips create the exciting friction. Cal kissed her shoulder, snaked his right hand around to her stomach and rested a hand there, feeling the baby somersaulting inside her. Then he let the hand trail lower down. Gillian just about lost it when he touched her there. Her skin prickled with another layer of heat, her rhythm increasing against Cal. She could feel his breath getting heavier, could feel his muscles contorting with careful control, his body hard against her back.

Cal could see Gillian's reflection in the full length mirror opposite her bed. He could see the expression of concentration and deep delight. He could see the beautiful curve of her belly, the generous swell of her breasts. He could see her cheeks were red, her eyes were closed and her lips parted slightly. She looked amazing, right there in that moment and Cal committed everything about it to memory.

Gillian ducked her left hand around behind her, feeling down his arm to lace her fingers into his. He squeezed her hand tightly and started moving his hips against her. Gillian let the tempo increase as her desire built. She was gasping for air before he was and then he was still and his face was pressed into the back of her neck. They stood still for a long time and then Cal moved away from her. Gillian leaned back on her bed, completely naked in front of him, and not caring that she was. She watched him retrieve his underwear and trousers from around his ankles. He watched her as he did up his fly. "We gotta stop doin' that luv," he noted gently.

"I know," Gillian agreed softly with a slight sigh. She gave a little grimace and placed a hand on her abdomen. "He's really moving around in there."

"He's just excited because you're excited," Cal gave a grin.

Gillian gave a small smile in response.

Cal found his shirt on the threshold of the bedroom doorway and slipped it over his arms again. He worried about her getting cold there with no clothes on, but her cheeks were still a bright red. He started doing up the buttons. "Thanks for dinna."

"You're welcome."

"And dessert."

Gillian giggled.

"See you tomorrow?" Cal finished with his shirt.

Gillian nodded.

Cal leaned down over her and she looked up at him with wide blue eyes. "Stop seducin' me," he told her, kissed her quickly and turned to the bedroom door.

"I'll try," Gillian called after him.

Cal went straight to the front door and slipped his coat on. He made sure the door was securely closed behind him before strolling down the path to his car.

So, it was a boy.


	11. Chapter 11

They had reached a time when Cal felt he couldn't just walk into her house anymore. Now wasn't that time though. He was worried. He had tried calling her three times. He used his spare key.

"Oi Fosta!" He yelled from the front door, announcing his arrival and also his concern. He had a belated thought about her being asleep. He heard a muffled response from somewhere in the back of the house. He went through the living room to the kitchen and then quickly on to her bedroom and finally, when he still hadn't located her, the en suite bathroom. He didn't knock, he just waltzed on in. She was in the bath. Her hair was wet and smoothed back from her face and she looked up at him with curious blue eyes.

"What?" She asked when he did nothing but stare for a moment. She didn't seem bothered by his presence though. Not in her house, not in her bathroom, not while she was naked beneath the water. He could see everything. Bloody hell she looked good.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes," she answered with a slight laugh, as if he were pointing out the obvious.

"I tried callin you."

"I didn't hear the phone."

"I tried your cell too."

"It's in my bag," she responded.

"Today's your due date," Cal supplied.

"I know."

Gillian expected to be overdue. It was common for first pregnancies and let's face it, a due date was just a guess anyway. Her mother was only travelling now from West Virginia. She was supposed to be arriving in the evening. In the meantime, Gillian planned on spending what was left of the morning enjoying a bath.

"Did you want something in particular Cal?" Gillian prompted.

"No," Cal responded. "Sorry to disturb." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" Gillian stopped him. "Stay for a bit," she suggested gently. He hesitated, one hand all ready on the door. "Seeing as you're here and all."

He gave a slight smile, realising he had over reacted. "You sure you'd ratha just not soak in peace?"

"Well if you can be quiet you can stay. And if you rub my shoulders."

Cal looked perturbed.

"And could you turn the tap for me? I need more hot water," Gillian directed.

Cal gave a sudden amused smile. He closed the bathroom door and turned to her, pushing back his sleeve. "Anythin' else?"

"I might take that kidney after all."

Cal laughed, reached for the plug and pulled it. He gave her foot a tickle while he was down there. Gillian jerked her knee into a bend so the bottom of her foot was flat against the bottom of the tub. "Shouldn't you have bubbles?" Cal asked watching the water drain away, inch by inch revealing more of her skin to the air; it goosefleshed.

"I ran out," Gillian admitted.

Of course she had. He could imagine her being a frequent bath taker. Cal put the plug back in and turned the tap to allow hot water to gush in again. He checked the temperature with his fingers, making sure it was quite warm, but not burning hot. Gillian straightened her leg again to drop her knee into the water. "You've done this before," she told him as he dragged the fresh water up the length of her leg.

"I'm British. We are much skilled in the art of bath takin'."

Gillian laughed and then she suddenly twitched. Cal noticed immediately. The water sloshed around the confines of the bath. "What's wrong?" He asked feeling tension form in his shoulders.

"I think I just had a contraction," Gillian answered sounding reverential.

Cal raised one eyebrow. "Just the one?"

Gillian nodded.

"A propa one?"

Gillian nodded again.

Cal swished more water. He had to admit, he was waiting for her to have another one, but after he had filled the bath for her again and moved to her shoulders, there weren't any more. For at least thirty minutes anyway. Gillian watched silently as Cal rolled his sleeves up properly and knelt next to her head on the bath mat on the floor. The water was up to her chin and if she dipped her head slightly it covered her mouth. It was kind of like having a blanket pulled up to her ears. Only her baby bump stood out above the water. She pushed the nice hot water over the skin with her hands, keeping it warmed.

Cal directed Gillian to sit up slightly higher so her neck was exposed and pressed his fingers against the muscles of Gillian's shoulders. It was hard to reach across the bath but Cal did so without complaint. "Oh god that feels good," Gillian moaned.

"Bubble bath would be a good lubricant," Cal pointed out.

"Mh hmm."

"I can't believe you ran out."

"Believe it," Gillian mumbled. She sighed. "I've had other things on my mind recently."

"Fair enough," Cal noted.

She suddenly tensed again as she felt another contraction. Cal's hands stilled. "All right?"

"I think so," her voice was unsure. "I want to get out."

"You should stay put," Cal suggested gently. "You'll feel more comfortable in the bath. Nothin's gonna happen for a long time."

He was right. She stayed put for another hour and a half while the contractions steadily got closer together. Cal topped up the hot water again, even made her lunch while she was still in the tub. He brought her phone so she could call her mother and see how far away she was. Three hours. He made her sit forward so he could rub her back properly.

When the contractions were at a predictable twenty minutes he conceded she should get out. He helped her dry off and get dressed. Gillian called her mid wife to let her know she thought she was in labour. When she went to the toilet later in the afternoon she knew for sure. The mucous plug holding her cervix closed was falling away. She felt a surge of panic and the baby attempted a jab at her ribs with its feet.

"What's wrong?" Cal asked immediately concerned when she emerged again. He could see the worry etched all over her face. She explained about the bloody show and how reality had just sunk in. "You'll be all right sweetheart," Cal told her soothingly. He directed her to the bed where he had piled up the pillows for her.

"You're not going to leave are you?" Gillian asked, scared for a moment.

"Not if you don't want me to."

"You sounded as though you were going to tell me you were leaving."

"I'm not leavin'," Cal told her. "I'll stay. Till your Mum gets here."

Gillian nodded. She breathed deeply. "Ok. Thanks."

Cal gave her a forced smile. "You're welcome. Can I get you anythin?"

Gillian shook her head. The next contraction was stronger and over the rest of the evening, they gradually built in intensity. They got closer together. Cal called the midwife again. She asked Gillian to come in to the hospital. Cal called her mother next. He had to leave a message. She was out of range.  
"What do you mean she's out of range?" Gillian asked him, her voice tight.

"Come on," Cal coaxed his head. He held out his hand to her. She had taken to pacing the bedroom. He didn't like it, he wanted her to sit and conserve her energy, but she felt better on her feet, moving around, so he sat instead and watched her go back and forth. Gillian came over to where Cal was sitting and he stood as she placed her hand in his.

"Where are we going?" Gillian asked him.

"To the hospital," he told her gently.

"I'm not ready to do this Cal," she told him firmly as they walked down the hallway to the front door. "My mother's not here."

"I know. But I'm here. I won't leave you alone. I promise."

"Thanks Cal."

"Which coat do you want?"

"That one," Gillian directed him to a black one. "Thanks for everything."

Cal turned with the coat in his hands. He helped her put it on. "This your hospital bag?" He indicated the packed one waiting next to a table in the hallway.

"Yes." Gillian confirmed. Cal went to pick it up. "Did you hear me?"

"I heard you," Cal affirmed.

"I mean it. For everything."

Cal nodded. He made sure he had his keys and that Gillian had hers, that he had both cell phones, then ushered her out the door. He placed her bag in his car, put her in the passenger seat and let her squeeze his hand as she worked her way through another contraction. In the aftermath he headed for the hospital. When she was set up in her room Cal tried her mother again. Still no service. He started to feel a little nervous. Then he called his daughter.

"Hey Dad where are you?"

"I'm at the hospital. Gillian's havin' her baby. I'm not gonna make it for movie night just yet."

"Oh," Emily sounded surprised. "Ok well. I'll see just see you later then."

"Sorry to cancel on you luv."

"Please, Dad, babies come first in the grand scheme of the universe. The movie can wait until tomorrow."

"Thanks for undastandin'."

"Hey Dad?"

"Yes luv?"

"Are you going to be there for the birth? I mean, in there with her?"

"Uh," Cal hesitated. "I dunno." He hadn't really even thought about waiting at the hospital while she gave birth. In the waiting room that was, let alone the actual birthing suite.

"Tell Gillian good luck, or, what is it you're meant to say when you know someone's about to have a baby?"

"Push hard?"

"Ew Dad."

Cal chuckled. "I don't know the correct etiquette. I'll tell her you're thinkin' of her. How about that?"

"Sounds better than 'push hard'," Emily's voice was distasteful. "Call me later," she directed and hung up.

Gillian was in a hospital gown now while she laboured. Her face was red and there was sweat around the edges of her hair. She looked grateful when Cal came back. "Did you get hold of Mom?"

"Not yet," Cal told her gently.

Gillian whimpered. "Where is she?"

"She's probably just in some shit reception," Cal supplied.

"If she's not here in time..."

"I'll be right here," Cal finished.

"Promise?"

"I promise." He probably would have said anything to make sure she stayed as relaxed as possible right now.

"You're really one of the good guys you know," Gillian told him sincerely.

"Yeah, yeah," Cal responded. "Have they medicated you?"

Gillian shot out a hand to give him a punch in the upper arm. She laughed and Cal smiled. "I'm actually glad you're here," Gillian told him, holding his blue eyes in hers. "It wouldn't seem right that you're not here."

Cal nodded gravely, preparing himself to actually be there when his son was born.


	12. Chapter 12

Cal tapped on the door lightly. There was a long pause before it was answered and he was preparing himself to leave again, even with his spare key burning a hole in his pocket. But Gillian answered and she gave him a warm smile in greeting, even though she looked tired. "Come in," she offered.

"Am I disturbin' you?" Cal asked as he stepped up beside her.

"No."

"Cos I can come back late-a." But the whole purpose of being there was just to see her. And the baby. He had held the little boy after he was born, got to cut the cord. Gillian insisted he have the honour, despite the silent protest of her mother. Gillian had told her Cal was the father and he had almost instantly picked up on a hostile vibe. She had objected to Cal's presence during the birth (she clearly knew about their deal), but again, Gillian insisted. She _wanted_ him there.

"No," Gillian countered. "Come in."

Cal held his son for the first time just minutes after he had been born and felt the familiar stirring of love and protectiveness. As much as he wanted to be able to, he couldn't bring himself to not care.

"You'll have to excuse the mess," Gillian told him.

"Don't worry about it," Cal dismissed. There were piles of clean laundry on the couch. Gillian took him to the kitchen and offered tea. "I have an ulteri-a motive," Cal announced as she filled the kettle with water from the tap.

"Oh?" Gillian glanced at him over her shoulder.

Cal held up a folder. "Need a fave-a."

"What is it?"

"I need anotha opinion."

Gillian set the kettle on the gas.

"I need _your_ opinion," Cal admitted.

Gillian held out her hand for the file. Cal explained briefly what the case was about.

"I wouldn't come ova if it wasn't important."

"It doesn't have to be important for you to come over," Gillian told him gently. "I was about to feed Arran."

Arran; after the island off the coast of England where Cal's mother's family had originally come from, before moving to London. How she had found that out he had no idea, but it was kind of sweet. At least his family hadn't come from Sheppey or Wight.

"Well you do that. I'll make tea," Cal took the folder out of her hands again and left it on the edge of the kitchen counter.

Gillian sat in the living room in the arm chair. She had finally got the hang of feeding. At three weeks old, so had Arran. Cal's timing was impeccable. Her mother had left yesterday morning. Cal brought their tea and set it on the coffee table in the middle of the room. Then he started folding washing.

"You don't have to do that," she told him.

"Don't mind," he responded. She was hardly in a position to stop him. It was all baby clothes, cloths and towels.

Gillian asked him about work. She came in fairly regularly, mostly to keep tabs on Cal and to keep up with the accounts. But she hadn't worked a case in weeks. Cal gave her a brief run down. Once he had finished with the washing he sat and drank his tea.

"How are you doin'?" Cal asked her.

"Good," Gillian responded with a smile.

"You fine with everythin'?" He meant taking care of the baby and anything else that fell in to that category.

Gillian nodded. "Everything's fine. Arran's fine. I'm fine."

"That's good," Cal responded absently while wondering if he should have asked. There were regulations in place but he was still not clear on the rules. Was he allowed to ask after her, post pregnancy? Was he allowed to ask about the health of his son? Was he allowed to refer to Arran as his son? Even just in his head?

Gillian finished feeding and shifted Arran to an upright position to burp him. She ran her fingers firmly up the warm back of her son. He grizzled slightly. An air bubble passed through his lips. Gillian checked to see if any milk had come back up.

"That's my boy," Cal noted amused.

Gillian gave him a smile. He had no idea how much Arran was like him. They had the same coloured eyes, the same chin, a similar perceptive attitude. She often found Arran just watching her. She knew Cal was observing her intently from his position on the couch, slouched back against the pillows, empty mug in his hands. "Want to hold him?" She figured Arran was about done passing wind.

"All right," Cal agreed readily. He got up and scooped Arran out of her arms expertly. Gillian went to get the file from the kitchen and when she came back Cal was rocking the baby gently while on his feet. He was peering down at the baby's face intently. "He really is precious Gill," he told her without looking up.

"Must take after me then," Gillian quipped.

"So long as you don't get your mutha's sense of huma," Cal told the baby. Gillian sat on the couch, opened the file and started to read through it. Cal wandered over to the windows and looked out at the street. Nice and quiet during the day. It must be easy to nap here. Cal looked down at his son again. Gillian told him Arran's eyes were blue. Considering both his parents had blue eyes his were going to stay that way. But Cal hadn't got a good look at them yet. Arran was staring up at him. Cal gave the baby a smile and he returned it. Cal felt his heart flutter. His baby boy. He couldn't just stand by. In fact, he couldn't remember why he had decided that he could. He turned to tell Gillian the real reason why he had come over. She was asleep, the file open in her lap. Cal was stunned. She really must have been very tired.

Cal put Arran down in his cot and pulled the bedroom door so it was almost closed. He went back to the living room. Gillian had fallen asleep sitting up, her head over the back of the couch. Cal started shifting her so she was lying down. She stirred and started to mumble something in her sleep. Then she woke a bit more as Cal moved her down on her back. She tried to protest but Cal shushed her. He found a blanket to drape over her but by the time he had done that she was all ready out of it. Cal looked down at her sleeping form. He went to check on Arran. Both asleep. Perfect.

Cal moved around the house, putting the folded washing away quietly. Then he did dishes and more washing and even managed to hang it up outside before Gillian woke up from her midday nap. She caught him coming in from the back of the house.

"Tell me you didn't tidy up," she admonished sleepily.

"Arran's asleep," Cal tried changing the subject.

"You don't have to run around after me," Gillian told him.

"I want to. I hate that you're doin' this alone."

"Cal," Gillian had a warning tone in her voice.

Cal ploughed on. "I thought I could stand by and let you do it by yourself but it's not right luv."

"_Cal_," Gillian tried again, this time sounding more shocked.

"I want to be there for you and Arran."

"You agreed," Gillian cut in. "You signed a contract."

Cal knew that thing would come back to bite him. Luckily for him there was a loop hole. "Consida it null and void."

"You can't do that!"

"I can. The contract was for IVF. You didn't get pregnant by IVF."

"You can't change your mind Cal. That's not fair."

"What wasn't fair was askin' me to stay out of it in the first place."

"I might have requested it initially but when I actually got pregnant I came to you! You turned _me_ down!"

"I know. Cos I thought it was what you wanted! I thought I was doin' the right thing by you. But I wasn't thinkin' about myself."

"That's unlike you," Gillian responded snidely.

Cal ignored the comment. "I'm not tryin' to take Arran away from you. I still maintain that you're a great mutha."

Gillian looked cautiously suspicious. "Then what are you saying?"

Cal crossed to where she was standing against the bench in the kitchen. "I'm sayin' I care about you and I care about Arran."

Gillian gave a little frown.

"We made a beautiful baby boy togetha Gill," Cal told her softly. "It was amazin'. You're amazin'."

"Cal I'm confused. What are you really telling me here? That you want to move in? That you want Arran on the weekends?"

"No."

"Then what?" Gillian demanded.

"I'm tellin' you that I love you and I want to be with you and our son and that I want to play happy families and everythin' that comes with that," Cal responded agitatedly. Why wasn't she getting it?

Gillian stood staring at him, a little flabbergasted, definitely surprised, her heart beating a little erratically. She didn't think he would ever tell her how he really felt. "I didn't mean for this to happen," she said quietly.

"What did you think would happen? You knew when you asked me to be a sperm dona that this had the potential to be beyond complicated."

"Then why did you say yes?"

"Because I couldn't say no to that. You know that!" Cal's emotions rocketed again.

"All right fine!" Gillian retorted. "I did know."

"But you expected me to stay out of it anyway?" Cal asked incredulously.

"No! Yes!" Gillian sighed, looked away. "I." She stopped, hesitated.

"Out with it," Cal directed in a low voice.

"I thought you might, but I didn't want you to."

"Stay out of it?"

She nodded.

"Was this before or after we had sex and you got pregnant?"

The floor was suddenly intensely interesting. Cal hated that she kept looking away but at least she was still talking to him. "Use your words," Cal coaxed, teasing her in a way she had teased him once.

Gillian's eyes met his, and they smiled a little. She remembered too then. "When I asked you about IVF in the first place, that part was true, about wanting my best friend to be a sperm donor for me. And then I saw something in your eyes that made me... I don't know. See you differently. I caught a glimpse of how you see me. And then when the IVF didn't work I was looking for comfort, so I knocked on your door. I wanted to feel that affection again. I wanted you to make me feel good again. I used you. As for trying to get pregnant, that was not my intention. It wasn't why I knocked on your door. But I don't regret it."

"I don't regret it."

"You don't?"

"Not in the slightest. I'm glad you're happy."

"I am Cal."

"I know Arran makes you happy. I'm just wonderin' if you could find it in your heart to maybe let me make you happy too? Or at least let me try?"

Gillian stepped towards him, placed a hand on his chest. "You already made me happy Cal; you gave me Arran."

"Cos I can't keep on like this luv," Cal continued. He wanted to make sure she knew the full extent of it and then hoped she would make the decision he desperately hoped for. "I want you. I want to be with you. And I want us to raise our son togetha, like we're supposed to, contract be damned."

"Do you really love me?"

Of all the things to ask him...

"Of course I bloody love you," Cal answered gruffly. He took hold of her face gently and pressed his lips against hers.

Gillian kissed him back deeply. They held each other for a long time, foreheads pressed together, warm in the glow of recently discovered devotion. "I love you too Cal."

_Well, that's it. Maybe for now? _

_Thanks for sharing this one with me too. I wrote the entire thing in four days. Just love these two. Their relationship is so fraught with complications and frustrations. I think all of our fanfics only really ever scratch the surface. _

_Thanks for any and all reviews. Always appreciated and well received, even the rails against their stubborn stupidity. When I had a crap day at work I took five minutes to step out of the kitchen to check my mail and I tell you, by the end of it, I had the biggest grin on my face. Love that you love my work._

_Till next time..._


	13. Chapter 13

_Thank you Dr. Callian – my number one fan. And thank you to everyone who took time to review any of my works. No really, every one of you has been on my mind. Your comments have been useful, insightful and sweet. They have made me smile on many a blue day; particularly the days when I felt my writing was terrible and predictable and I should really quit while I was ahead. There are too many names to mention specifically, but know every review really touched my heart. Thank you all for believing in me and encouraging me to continue with my writing and most importantly, for asking so politely and consistently for more! I do hear you. I am working on more!_

_ – you had the best idea yet. A one-shot in connection with this story. Sounded good to me. Sounded even better when an idea finally came to me. So here it is!_

**PJPJPJPJ**

Cal figured he must have woken at almost exactly the same time as Gillian because he barely had time to register the cry from the next room before he got an elbow in the soft part of his arm. It made him wince.

"It's your turn," the owner of the elbow muttered sleepily.

Cal caught a bleary glance of the clock on his way around her bed. Five oh three am. Arran was not quite sleeping through the entire night. Cal wished he was. He had decided he was too old for getting up at ungodly hours. But then, if this half-asleep stagger to his son's room, in Gillian's house (and she let him sleep in her bed), was the price to pay, he would pay it ten times over. A million times. Everything that had happened in the last ten months was completely worth it.

Cal pushed Arran's bedroom door open. He was standing up in his bed, pointing at the door. He wasn't crying because he was upset. He was crying because he was alone, abandoned. He wasn't even crying. Just calling out periodically.

"You've got to let your Mum and Dad sleep," Cal told him, mumbling around his sleepy mouth, as he crossed the room.

"Da, da, da!"

"Othawise your Mum get's grumpy with your Dad." Cal leaned down to pick the little body up.

"Mum, mum, mum."

"Yes. Mum," Cal agreed. He pulled back the curtains on a world being touched with sun. He lay Arran back on the changing table. "Mum, mum, mum." He hoped the pronunciation would stick. Not like with Emily. Cal reached for a plastic ring for Arran to occupy himself with while Cal popped the studs on the baby-gro. Arran put the ring in his mouth, gummed it with new teeth and made noises like he was interested in it. Cal peeled back the tabs on the wet nappy and slipped it out from underneath Arran's backside. Arran offered Cal the plastic ring. "You have it mate. But don't ruin your appetite. It'll be breakfast soon."

Arran looked at him quizzically, his eyes a light blue like Cal's. "Hm," he said as if he was considering what Cal was saying.

Cal chuckled. He wiped cream into the creases of Arran's thighs, where the nappy rash was the worst, and reached for a clean nappy. "When Mum goes to work, you and I have a mission," Cal told him, securing down the tabs. Arran's fingers followed Cal's hands, feeling for the stickiness, endless fascination. Cal gently removed his hands. Arran stared up at the ceiling, clearly not bothered he was being denied access. In that way, he was like Cal. No matter how many times they told him 'no' or moved something out of his reach, he seemed to just shrug it off, as if he wasn't bothered and he would get to it some other day.

Cal lifted Arran to his hip. "Let's go wake Mummy up. She has to work today and she was cruel makin' Daddy get up when it's his day off."

Monday's Gillian stayed home with Arran. Cal hung out with his son on Thursdays. It had the bonus of saving on childcare and allowing them one-on-one bonding time with their boy. As Cal stood outside of their bedroom doorway he put his finger over his lips, signalling to Arran to be quiet. This was one of Arran's favourite games and he adopted an 'oh' expression, blue eyes wide, and his little index finger went up to his lips to mirror his father. Cal pushed the bedroom door open quietly. Arran squirmed in his arms, but he remained quiet.

Cal moved towards the bed carefully. From what he could hear, Gillian had gone back to sleep, her breathing was even and slow. Cal leaned over her, having to use two hands so he didn't drop Arran on her. Then Cal shifted his son so he was flying over her like superman.

"Wakey, wakey," Cal said in his normal tone of voice. Arran squealed and Cal lowered him quickly, but with control, to the mattress, almost on top of his mother. Arran immediately started climbing over her body.

"Oh god," Gillian half complained as she turned. "Hi Arran."

"Mum! Mum! Mum!" Arran yelled at her, over excited.

Cal went back around to his side of the bed and jumped on the mattress. Gillian had fended Arran off with tickles and he was laughing, squealing and lying on his back in the space between his parents, kicking his feet in the air. Cal chuckled again, loving to hear the sound of his son having fun, loving that he was witness to moments like these. He considered himself lucky that Gillian had deemed him to be the right guy to have children with; a child with. Who knew if more were on the cards?

"Now let's get Dad in retaliation for waking me up," Gillian suggested.

"No way," Cal countered. "You woke me up this mornin'. And it's my day off."

"Aw," Gillian exaggerated a pout at him. "How about a kiss to make it better?"

"Definitely like the sound of that," Cal leaned towards her. Gillian placed warm fingers on his rough jaw and gave him a sweet kiss that made his heart flutter. "Good mornin'," Cal murmured as she pulled away.

"Good morning," Gillian repeated in a similar tone of voice.

Cal could feel Arran shifting around beneath where his parent's bodies touch. When Cal opened his eyes again Arran had perched himself at the head of the bed, in the groove between the pillows. He clapped his hands triumphantly.

"All right," Gillian sighed. She threw back the covers. "Breakfast and showers I guess." Arran promptly crawled to her side of the bed and used her body to climb to his feet. Gillian scooped him up under his arms and swung him to her hip expertly.

The kitchen was already warm with the smell of coffee and a new day by the time Cal followed them. Arran was in his high chair, banging a plastic sippy-cup against the tray loudly.

"You make entirely too much noise," Cal told him, ruffling his blonde hair as he headed for the coffee pot.

"Takes after you then," Gillian mused as she placed toast in the machine.

Cal poured himself a mug and Gillian one too, leaving enough space for the preferred amount of milk. They fell into a routine, making toast, cutting squares for Arran, who mostly sucked on them, rather than chewing them. Gillian showered first while Cal wiped Arran's fingers and high chair. When she got out Cal got in. Gillian undressed Arran and handed him over to his father. Cal made sure he washed away the rest of the sodden clumps of toast, the ones that had found their way into the back of his hair, his nostrils and ears, before putting Arran down on the shower floor. There was a myriad of plastic toys there for him to play with. He squealed and talked to himself as he splashed water, scooped it up in a green cup and poured it over his own head.

After five minutes Cal felt little fingers digging into the skin of his calf as Arran pulled himself up to his feet. He could crawl around fine and pull himself to stand, but he was still working on taking his first steps solo. Cal looked down into the bright blue eyes of his son. "Today's the day, my boy," Cal told him. Arran looked up at him, eyes wide, waiting it seemed, but certainly not disagreeing. Father and son studied each other for a moment.

"Ready to get out?" Gillian asked, popping open the shower door. She had Arran's much smaller towel stretched out between her hands. Arran turned towards her and reached out one hand while still holding on to Cal's knee. Normally, Cal would pick him up and hand him over, but something stopped him and he waited to see what Arran would do. The boy reached, stretched out towards his mother, but his legs stayed rooted to the spot and eventually he was close enough for Gillian to be able to reach him, without hitting the spray of water.

"You should have let him come to you," Cal noted, turning the water off.

"He was leaning so far over he was going to slip," Gillian pointed out. She moved into the bedroom and put Arran down on the bed.

"But he's not gonna learn to take his first step if you always pick him up," Cal countered reaching for his towel and drying the water out of his eyes.

"What did you want me to do? Let him fall on his face and cut himself open on the door frame?" Gillian huffed as she dried Arran off. From the angle she was leaning at, Cal got a nice view of her rear end. He dried himself quickly too and headed into the bedroom to pull on clean underwear and a t-shirt and his favourite comfortable jeans. Gillian put a nappy on Arran and then checked the bedside clock. "I have to get going."

Cal moved to take Arran off her hands, it was better, now that he was mobile, to keep one of them with him at all times. Otherwise he got into mischief. Just like his father. "Have a good day," Cal offered.

"Thanks. You boys have fun. But I expect the house to be tidy like it is now when I get home," she headed for the front door, picking up her purse and car keys on the way.

"Of course," Cal responded dutifully, a naked Arran on his hip. "Wave by to Mum."

"By sweetheart," Gillian leaned in and kissed her son. Arran mimicked the noise, but he hadn't quite got the timing right. He just pressed his tongue against skin. "Aw nice kisses," Gillian smiled at him.

"Do I get nice kisses?" Cal asked innocently.

Gillian's face melded into a smile that was just for him. She pressed her lips against his firmly. Cal dared to squeeze her ass and felt her smile against his mouth. "Nice kisses," Gillian murmured before moving away.

Cal stood at the door with Arran and waved until Gillian had disappeared down the street. Cal took Arran to his bedroom and sat him gently on the changing table. "Your Mummy is a coddle-a," Cal told him. Arran smiled. "Yeah, it is funny. As if we would get into trouble?"

Cal dressed his son and then packed a day bag so they could go out. They went down to the park to enjoy the good weather. As lunch time neared so did grey clouds. Back home again for something to eat and then out again. Cal had shopping to do, food, a few other errands. Arran fell asleep in the car on their second return to the house. Cal lifted the entire car seat inside and set Arran on the mattress in the master bedroom. Then Cal spent the few hours of free time making sure the house really was tidy, doing dishes from breakfast, doing washing. He called Gillian at work to see if everything was all right, while simultaneously checking his email on his laptop.

He stopped tying suddenly. He thought he had heard something. His fingers poised over the home keys. Yep, there it was again. A cry. Cal slipped out of his chair and meandered to the bedroom. Arran had climbed out of his car seat, which Cal had unfastened earlier, made his way along the mattress, slid down to the floor and was now standing with one hand on the bed post.

"Well come on then," Cal stopped in the bedroom doorway; he coaxed his head.

Arran looked up at him. "Dad!" He seemed to be saying, 'I'm stuck. Come and get me'.

"You gotta take those steps yourself," Cal told him moving a foot closer. Still just out of reach.

Arran sized up the distance between them and reached out his right hand. "Dad!" He called again.

"Come on," Cal encouraged. He crouched down to Arran's height and held out his hand. There was still enough space between them that Arran would have to take a step, at least just one step on his own. "You can do it," he told his son gently.

Arran hesitated, looked incredibly unsure, stretched out his hand some more. He turned his body slightly so it was facing Cal more and shifted one leg closer by sliding it along the carpet.

"That's it," Cal enthused carefully. "Let go and take a step."

Arran stood for a long time, eyeing Cal up. He bobbed up and down at the knee for a second and then seemed to get serious. He looked, for a second, very much like Emily at a similar age. He let go of the bedpost and wavered slightly on his feet. Cal waited patiently. Then Arran picked up his foot and moved it awkwardly in front of him. The next foot followed and he rushed the next step as he fell into his father's arms laughing while Cal exclaimed his delight. He hugged Arran fiercely, planted kisses on the top of his head. "I'm so proud of you!" Then he put Arran down. "Let's practice for Mummy."

Cal stood watching the street with Arran in his arms. Gillian's car came into view around the tree in front of the neighbour's house. Arran started kicking his legs out and clapping his hands, squealing excitedly.

"All right," Cal said business-like. "Ready?"

Arran looked up at him with serious, blue eyes. Cal moved into the hallway, a few meters back from the front door and put a squirming Arran down on the floor, while keeping a hold of his tiny hands. It seemed like an eternity before they heard Gillian's keys in the lock. Cal gave Arran the 'shush' signal.

"Oh, oh," Arran responded looking up at his father.

Gillian opened the door. She gave them a smile. "Hey guys. How was your day?"

"Great," Cal responded while Arran jigged up and down on the spot.

"Mum! Mum!"

"Hi Arran," Gillian greeted. She had her arms full with her laptop bag, her purse and dry cleaning. She kicked the door shut behind her and dropped her keys on the table nearby. She awkwardly hung the dry cleaning on a hook behind the door and finally turned to Cal and Arran. They were still waiting in the hallway. She put her computer and purse on the table too and took a step forward.

"Stop!" Cal suddenly exclaimed. Gillian looked startled. "Wait there." He made sure Arran was sturdy on his feet and then gently let go of his hands. Arran wavered on his feet for a second, then shifted his left foot forward tentatively. Then his right.

"Oh my god," Gillian was stunned and crouched down to his height, holding out her arms. Arran squealed and rushed the next two steps into her embrace. But he had gone further for her than he had for Cal that morning. Gillian scooped him up while Arran laughed and clapped his hands together. Gillian kissed him profusely. "Arran I'm so impressed."

Cal straightened up now that Arran was safely in the care of his mother and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Now the nervous wait. It took just a second before Gillian rubbed a spot on her chest. "Ow. What's in your pocket?" She asked Arran lightly. Arran perfected his best 'I wonder what that is?' expression. He pointed at his mother.

Cal had changed him into dungarees at lunch, after his spiel in the park. The front pocket was the perfect size and placement for a present.

"For me?" Gillian asked him as she started moving away from the door again. Cal followed them quickly into the living room. He wanted to be able to see Gillian's face for this one. He had spent hours picking out that present. He saw Gillian pull the small jewellery box out of Arran's front pocket. She turned to Cal. "What's this?" A frown, confusion.

"It's for you luv."

With Arran on her hip, Gillian had to lower the box to her hand so she could use both of them to open it. When she brought the box back up so she could see her face morphed into surprise. It held for ten long seconds. "What is it?" She repeated.

"Marry me," Cal requested gently. Just after the genuine surprise there had been a happiness expression, before her forced surprise registered on her features.

"Are you serious?"

Arran squealed again, jigged in his mother's arms. She put him down on the couch.

"Want me to get down on my knee?" Cal asked.

"No," Gillian breathed.

"Marry me Gill. I love you beyond anythin' else I've eva felt. I was serious about playin' happy families."

Gillian watched him while he spoke and then she broke into a gentle smile. "You really want to marry me?"

"Bloody hell," Cal shook his head in disbelief. He crossed the space between them and stood in front of her, next to the couch. "Of course I want to bloody marry you. I love you. I want to be with you foreva."

Gillian's smile made her eyes sparkle.

"Will you marry me?" Cal asked again, feeling his heart flutter. Everything on her face said yes. Now he needed her to say the words.

"Of course," she breathed. Then she sobbed and tears filled her eyes. "Of course," she repeated and wrapped her arms around his neck. Cal wasn't sure what the tears meant, hopefully extreme happiness. "I want to be with you forever too Cal," she murmured in his ear. She pulled back and kissed him warmly.

Cal felt a small hand on his thigh. "Mum mum!" Arran called. Gillian kissed Cal again. "Mum!" Arran was more insistent this time and slapped his hand against Cal's thigh. "Dad!"

"Yeah, yeah," Cal broke away and looked down at their son. "We haven't forgotten you."

"Want to do the honours?" Gillian held out the jewellery box to him. Cal took the thin banded engagement ring and slipped it on her finger. It fit perfectly. But then it should. He had made sure to measure her other rings. There were five small diamonds set into the gold. Simple, but stunning. Just like his Gillian. Simple beauty but stunning.

"Are you sure you really want to do this?" Gillian asked.

"Of all the things to ask me," Cal shook his head in disbelief.


End file.
